I’ve started a handful of posts that are sitting in drafts and two of them both start with the quote about making plans and God laughing….
The elite edition of the London Marathon 2020 is this Sunday, October 4th. London was going to be my last major marathon finish I needed in order to earn the Abbott World Marathon Majors 6 Star Medal. When London was postponed this spring I was initially disappointed. I trained hard all winter for what was hopefully going to be one of my faster for me marathons and while I was able to swerve when Tokyo was canceled and run something else, I had hoped to better my time at London. That being said London being postponed was a blessing in disguise, I honestly wasn’t ready for my six star journey, as they call it, to be over.
I was sad about London being over before it even began. This is something I continuously struggle with…I know that almost everything ends and that it’s just a normal part of life, but I sometimes have a hard time being fully present in a moment because I know it’s already a memory on some level. If the memories will keep happening, then it’s not a big deal, but when it’s something that may never happen again, I feel a bit sad before it’s even happened and certainly long before it’s over.
I’ll never forget the first time I went to Kona to watch the Ironman World Championships, it was my first time visiting Hawaii and for someone who loves watching endurance sports, it was Hawaii on a whole other – better – crazier – more intense – level. Lost in thought one afternoon a friend asked me what I was thinking about. When I said oh I don’t know, just in my own world I guess, he responded, you are already sad this is over, aren’t you?? I had literally never shared that, that I have this weird? quirk so I was taken aback. Yeah I was sad, I was in paradise and I was already sad it was over, even though it wasn’t close to being over. He told me that it was only the last time I would spectate that race if I wanted it to be the last time, that if I wanted to go back I would find a way to make it happen…and I did, two more times.
The more I like something or enjoy something the more I’m preemptively sad it has ended. The thing is I know logically that endings make room for beginnings and not going on the same life adventure repeatedly makes room for different, often better, adventures.
I’ve run Marine Corps Marathon 11 times, but up until I ran The Great Wall Marathon I don’t think I fully realized that yeah it’s fun to run the same thing over and over, there is a sense of comfort there, but there is also something exciting and fun and truly much needed when you try something new and step outside of your comfort zone (even if that something new involves a hell of a lot of steps of varying sizes, that you don’t totally feel prepared for).
I signed up for the virtual London experience thinking I would run 1 mile every hour for 24 hours with a couple of hours being more than 1 mile. I was honestly really excited about it and then you know, plans changed (in a good way, but not one I’m ready to explain)…
The crazy person inside of me keeps telling myself to bust out a marathon. Drive to the end of the trail in the dark, park and just jog for hours, walking when needed and finish 26.2 all at once. I know I could do that…which yes I am grateful to have a body that can handle my nonsense, but I also don’t feel like that’s very smart when I’m under an abnormal amount of stress right now + I don’t have time to lay around and recover from what that will do to my body.
So I’m choosing not to do the 24 hour thing, choosing not to be a moron and run 26.2 miles off no training and I’m choosing to not dwell on it or care. I have exactly a year to get myself together so that at the finish line of London, I’m not sad it’s already over, I’m just fully present in the moment with my friends (and medals!!!) and ready to drink lots of whiskey + dance the night away.
p.s. Don’t @ me and tell me London 2021 might not happen either, I’m a bright side person and I’m choosing to hold on to this dream 🙂