Dorothy Beal

I have this thing with running...

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Are you OK?

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I’m ok but not okay, if you know what I mean.

I haven’t used the “d” word because I just don’t like it. I don’t want to be someone who is getting divorced. No one walks down the aisle (I didn’t walk down an aisle which in hindsight makes me laugh a little) thinking that their marriage is going to end. If you thought it was going to end, why would you even let it begin. Yeah, yeah the better to have loved and lost thing, and yeah I get that but I’m also a bit bitter and jaded and all that jazz, so maybe better to have not loved and not lost is sort of how I feel right now.

So yes, I’m getting divorced but I’d like that to not define who I am as a person. I’d like to just be me going forward, only this me doesn’t have rules I never signed up for. This me doesn’t have to fake smiling on the outside when I’m not smiling on the inside. This me says, yeah I cried on my run today and I had a hard time breathing because it felt like a full on panic attack.

I could say oh yeah I’m fine every time someone asks me are you okay, but sometimes I’m not fine. I think it’s okay to both be OK and NOT OK at the same time. In this season of life I’m giving myself grace and letting myself feel the emotions that bubble up rather than stuff them down.

I spent a good portion of yesterday crying, which sucks because I had my kids and I don’t like crying around them, but for the most part I shut my bedroom door and just let myself cry and then would pull myself right back together again and return to mom life. Today that feels silly. Today crying is laughable, well other than when I ran in to a friend at Target and started crying while talking to her BUT my point is that I don’t feel the need to fake it anymore. I’m going to cry and that’s okay. I’m going to feel on top of the world and that too is okay. I’m going to do things that people tell me not to do or advise against and that is also ok, because this is MY life now and I don’t have to live it for anyone other than myself and my kids.

So yes, I’m okay….thanks for checking on me. Welcome to the real me.

Saucony Ride 13 From Zappos Review

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Sponsored by Zappos

If you have followed me for any period of time you know I’m always talking about the benefits of rotating running shoes. Either rotating between different shoes from the same brand or what I prefer, rotating running shoes between different brands. There are a multitude of benefits in my opinion to doing this, one of which is injury prevention.

Today however I’m going to talk about having a go-to brand in your running shoe rotation.

I like to think of your go-to running shoe brand as an old friend.

“Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver the other is gold“

Yes, I like to try new shoes to see what’s out there but on runs where I don’t want to experiment, my shoe of choice is a reliable go-to that reminds me of past good runs. When I put this shoe on I know that if I have any issues on the run that day, it wasn’t the shoes. Saucony has been one of these brands for me since I first became a runner 20 years ago.

The Ride is one of my favorite go-to neutral running shoes. In August I first tried the new update to the Ride, the Saucony Ride 13.

I was a fan of the update and have continued to run in the shoe weekly. It was time for a new pair so I ordered a different color from Zappos.

Unless I am absolutely head over heels in love with a color way, I try to never buy the same color way twice in a pair of shoes. I want the mental association that comes with a new to me colorway being a fresh start.

Zappos has all four colorways of the Saucony Ride 13. I went with the Coral/Alloy color way this summer and decided to go with the Alloy/Black color for fall/winter!!

I wear a 8 in regular shoes and am typically an 8.5 or a 9 in running shoes. I went with an 8.5, my typical size in Saucony shoes, and they fit perfectly. I’m a neutral runner who rolls a bit to the outside (supinate) so I always run in neutral shoes. 

Tip: when trying to find the perfect fit for a pair of running shoes. You can use socks to make them fit better. If the shoes are a tad big, wear thicker socks, if they are just right as is, wear thinner socks.

What I love most about this shoe:

Straight out of the box comfort – there was zero “break in” time for me.

The shoe laces – this might sound silly, but anyone who has had their shoelaces come untied during a race knows that shoe laces matter. The laces are puffy and round so they don’t come undone at all.

The tongue is attached – I can’t stand it when the tongue of a shoe moves all around and slides down to one side of the shoe. The way the Saucony Ride 13 is designed it feels like the shoe is wrapped around your foot – almost as if it’s just an extension of your foot.

Comfort mile after mile – because I am able to try a lot of shoes I’m sensitive to notice when a shoe starts to feel not so great after a while. This shoe literally feels great on mile 1 and on mile 300. I like it so much that after I’m finished using it for running, I wash them and then wear them as everyday shoes.

As someone who is currently limiting my contact with other people because of the pandemic, I love shopping at Zappos. I’m a Zappos rewards member so not only do I get free expedited shipping, I also earn rewards on each purchase. Most of my recent orders have arrived within a day or two! I also really like their return policy. I get 365 days to decide if I want to keep an item or return it. I rave about Zappos for a good reason – I’ve literally never had anyone tell me that they didn’t enjoy their experience ordering from them!

The Sweetest Escape

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I’ve been running mostly alone for the past 18+ years (not including my stroller running years). There have been periods of time where I had running friends that were close but for the most part even when I had friends that were close the times that I had to run weren’t exactly conducive to meeting up with friends. And if I am honest, I like running alone. I may complain about it from time to time and feel sorry for myself on really long runs when I’m tired and know that the run would feel easier if I had someone by my side, but even then, it’s not all that awful.

Running alone means I have a lot of time to think and overthink.

When my youngest, Colton, was in preschool I had roughly 2 hours and 45 minutes to run and do anything else I needed to get accomplished without him in tow. My runs didn’t feel all that enjoyable because when I was running I was calculating how much time I could cut from the run if I ran faster or how many miles I could squeeze in if I just ran some of my errands with him.

My to-do list would consume the majority of my thoughts on the runs. Sure almost 3 hours sounds like a lot of time but any parent can tell you that window of time can fly by in an instant.

My runs didn’t feel all that enjoyable and instead felt like something else I had to check off on my to-do list. One day I decided that I needed to take back that time and make the run truly an escape. I quit thinking about my to-do list. It took practice, in much the same way that it takes practice to bring your thoughts back to your center when you are meditating, but once I got the hang of it, it made every run that much better. Once I felt I mostly had mastered that, I started adding on things I wasn’t allowed to think about during the run. Essentially I attempted to leave any stressors at home and used the run as an escape in order to recharge.

Colton is in 4th grade now and I still don’t allow myself to run through my to-do list while running. I don’t think about who I need to email back or that project I’m late on, I don’t run through what I need to get at the grocery store or how much laundry is piling up. I literally leave my worries at home and allow myself to enjoy the run.

Yes there are days I’ll find myself running on rage or getting upset about things outside of my control, but for the most part I try to keep the run as my escape. 10/10 recommend.

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Dorothy Beal